Life on Mars
by black-hearted-criminal
Summary: Yuki Eiri and Shindou Shuichi have a baby daughter. But what happens when she becomes excluded from the family? Who will come to her rescue?
1. Prologue

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. Storyline and Kira belong to me.**_ Prologue 

_**I hate you.**_

The words bite deep. Silver whispers along ivory and sings crimson. I can feel the sobs catch in my throat, as my mind replays those hateful words.

"_You've got odd eyes!"_

"_Hah! Odd eyes!"_

"_Oh my god, look at that girl over there, the one with the different coloured eyes."_

"_Stay away from me, freak!"_

The reflective pane before me shows me the source of these insults. Gold and emerald stare back at me, ringed with ebony. A single cerulean star slides down the expanse of my cheek. So lonely, so beautiful. My eyes track this slow movement. My eyes, which have caused me to be a social outcast. No, I'm worse than that. Even the social outcasts want nothing to do with me.

Who am I, you ask. I'll tell you. I'm Uesugi Kira, the sole daughter of famous singer, Shindou Shuichi and romance novelist, Uesugi Eiri, aka Yuki Eiri. Before you ask, no, I'm not adopted. I was born of these two men. My father, Shindou Shuichi bore me for those nine months. Now, myself and him are lab rats. Objects being tested in the name of science. We are annually admitted into a clinic and are tested in various ways. My father is, of course, of the most interest to them, but they are just as interested to find out if I'll become a 'normal' person. Am I not normal? These, tests, which they carry out upon us. Some of them are orthodox, blood tests, scans, and examinations. Others, are less so. Every time we attend these appointments we are taken into a room with a piano and told to play any song that we think represents what's happening in our lives, and then to play another that shows how we're feeling. I've been clinically depressed since I was eight years old. They find that interesting. I just see it as my life.

Neither of my fathers know that I'm classed as depressed. I don't intend to tell them. Or tell them what's making me depressed. They wouldn't believe me. They never do. They'd never believe that they've been pushing me out of their lives for the past seven years, or that I'm feared, and bullied by the society I live in because I'm different. No one knows who my parents are. Or even that I have two fathers. It is my eyes that get to them. It is obviously unusual to have a green eye, and a golden eye. I have been alone for as long as I can remember. As long as I've known what it is to be alone. As my favourite manga says, 'there is no room for an onigiri in a fruits basket'. I played that game when I was little. I was the onigiri.

So I sit alone of an evening. Watching my life's essence run in rivulets down the vast expanse of ivory that is my skin. Feeling my chest heave with sobs beneath my heavily boned corset. Hearing my soul scream with agony, as memories are replayed, tears are shed, and blood flows. Is this the way to spend my life? Will I forever be doomed to remain this way? The timekeeper beside me tells me I have four hours left. Four hours until this freedom is lost. Four hours until I must take up my pretence once more. Four hours to be myself. Four hours to remember.


	2. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. Storyline and Kira belong to me.**_

Part One – In The Beginning

His life had been so normal before this. Well, as normal as it could be when you were gay and sang in a newly formed band that was growing increasingly popular. Now… Now he had a baby daughter whom he had carried within him for the past nine months. He was a walking miracle. So was she. She in question was currently asleep in his arms. The dark tufts that was her hair stuck out in every direction, despite him smoothing them back into place. He knew as well, that when she opened her eyes, she was most unique. For this tiny baby in his arms possessed odd eyes. She possessed a right eye that was green and a golden left eye. He could understand the gold, her other father, Yuki Eiri, had golden eyes. But the green? Shaking his head in wry amusement, he smiled as he found those golden eyes watching him from across the room. The scent that was Eiri surrounded him, wrapping him in comforting tendrils. Arms were extended, the child passed over.

"Beautiful."

Lilac eyes met golden ones. A question passed from one to the other.

"She's beautiful." The owner of the golden eyes explained. Lips twitched, a half-smile formed. Fondness shone in swirling depths.

"Aijou." He whispered. Emerald and gold surveyed him with interest; sleep slowly fading from the enchanting orbs.

"She's awake." Shuichi murmured quietly.

"Yes." Came the gentle reply. Nothing else needed to be said. They were content.

"Daddy! Daddy!"

The figure turned as the sound of running footsteps drew his attention. Flying towards him along the sparkling corridor was his daughter, Kira. Six years had passed since he'd held her in his arms as a tiny baby. He watched her now as silver hair flew behind her, green and gold shone vibrantly, full of life and laughter. He stooped down and caught her up in his arms, swinging her around, delighting in hearing her squeal with laughter. Setting her feet firmly upon the ground once more, he turned to see Eiri following at a more leisurely pace. He remembered now. Today they were due to return to the clinic. Glancing down at the girl who cuddled against him, he wished he could spare her this. The emotional trauma that they were put through each and every time they attended these appointments. Her eyes watched him closely.

"Daddy?"

Glancing down, he swore he saw concern flickering in those depths, but passed it off as the light. She was too young to be concerned about anyone.

"What is it, Kira?"

"Father says we must go back to see the doctors."

"Yes, we must."

"But why? I'm not sick."

Shuichi watched her in amusement. For a six year old, she was certainly perceptive.

"No. You're not."

"So why do we have to go back? Daddy?"

Shuichi shared a glance with Eiri.

"Because we're special, Kira."

"Oh." The little girl wandered slowly off, as if pondering the answer she had been given.

"She starts school next week." Eiri reminded him absently.

"I know." Shuichi said softly. "I worry about her. She seems so… grown up."

"She's fine. It's just the way she is."

"I'm worried the kids at school will tease her about her eyes as well."

"She'll be fine. She's a strong kid. She'll tell us if something is wrong."

Shuichi turned his back on Eiri, his gaze following Kira who had sat herself on a windowsill and was watching the city passing below. He felt Eiri's arms curl around his waist and pull him back against him.

"Don't fret about her. She's fine."

"I hope you're right." Shuichi replied with a sigh.

"I always am."

She watched the doctors and nurses hurrying past her with trays full of sharp and shiny things. Daddy had told her that she had to keep coming back here because she was special. A voice in her head told her that he wasn't telling her the truth. She turned her head to watch him. He looked sad. She didn't like seeing him sad.

"Daddy?"

His eyes met hers.

"Yes Kira?"

"Why are you sad?"

Surprise flicked through those lilac orbs.

"Sad?"

"Yes. You look sad."

Shuichi smiled at his daughter.

"I'm not sad Kira. I'm just thinking."

"About what?"

"Just, things."

"Oh."

She turned away and continued watching the people walking past. She was confused. Every little girl or boy she had seen had had a lady and a man with them. She glanced at her daddy. She had daddy and father. Frowning, she thought deeply about it.

Shuichi watched as Kira frowned deeply, her eyes thoughtful as she watched a boy go past with his mother and father.

_It must be confusing for her. _He thought. _To grow up thinking it's normal to have two fathers, then to find that every other child has a mother and a father._

"Shindou Shuichi?"

He glanced up and found their doctor standing before them.

"Hai." He replied rising, and, taking Kira's hand, followed him towards the waiting rooms.

She watched with interest as the needle pierced her skin.

"You're not supposed to watch." Shuichi scolded lightly. She just smiled.

"It doesn't hurt." She replied, turning her head to look at him. He snorted.

"It does."

"Nuh-huh." She replied, pouting. Shuichi grinned; she'd obviously learnt that one from his endless squabbles with Yuki. She turned away to watch the nurse walk off with the vial of blood after taping a lump of cotton wool over the needle mark.

"This way please." The doctor said, opening the door into the next room.

The cool glass pressed against her skin as the silver droplets splashed against the pane. Above her, the gloomy sky shed it's burden with grim relief, the icy beads falling for an eternity to hit the pane on which she rested. The purr of the engine was constant in her ears, the vibrations of the window soothing. In front of her, her parents sat in silence. She turned her eyes back to the outside world. The pavements were a mass of umbrellas and raincoats. She sighed deeply and smiled as her breath misted on the chilled glass. Lifting her head away, she proceeded to raise a finger and draw patterns in the water droplets. Suppressing her gentle laughter, she glanced at her father in the mirror. Serious yellow eyes remained fixed upon the road, rarely flicking to the mirrors. She let her eyes drop to her arms. She carefully peeled back her sleeve and examined the lump of wool there. She picked at the tape securing it to her skin, and succeeded in lifting up a corner. Tugging at it, she managed to tear it off, wool and all.

"Kira…" A gentle voice said. Raising her eyes once more, she met the disapproving gaze of her daddy. "You're supposed to leave it on."

She frowned.

"But there's no more red stuff."

"Blood. That's not the point."

"Blood…" She murmured, looking away.

The ear-shattering sounds pounded her ears and she shifted closer to the tall frame that stood beside her.

"Father…" She whispered, tugging gently on the bottom of his jacket. He stooped down so he could hear her.

"What is it Kira?"

"I don't want to go in there."

"Why not?"

"It's scary… Father…"

"Nonsense, Kira. You'll enjoy yourself once you're used to it."

Her gaze met his, and he could tell that she didn't quite believe him. He sighed, and ushered her forwards towards the classroom. Somewhat reluctantly, she stepped inside, glancing back over her shoulder at him. He raised his hand once in farewell and then walked away, leaving her in a room of strangers.

She eyed the brightly coloured doll with distaste.

"What's the matter Kira? Don't you like her?"

Kira glanced at her sensei, and then back at the doll she had been given in disgust. Dropping the stuffed lump of material, she headed for the bookshelf and some peaceful time to herself. Dragging one of the bean bags from the corner, she selected a stack of books and settled down to work through them and make sense of the muddle of little black letters that she had seen her daddy and father using so many times.

"Class! We're going to play a fun game now! I want everyone to come and sit down in a big circle! Everyone! You too Kira!"

Kira raised her eyes from the page to eye her sensei, standing where the rest of her class had assembled. Reluctantly, she placed the book on top of the pile and slowly made her way to the circle and took the one remaining empty chair.

"Now," her sensei continued. "I'm going to give you all the name of a fruit, and when that fruit is called, you have to swap seats with another person who is that fruit. Ok? So, apple, pear, orange, peach, plum, banana, cherry," she paused when she reached Kira. "Onigiri. Apple," she continued round the circle, pointing at children and giving them a fruit. Kira frowned. She'd eaten onigiris before. They weren't fruits. Were they? Returning her attention to the present, she waited patiently for the game to begin. She watched and listened as the various fruits were called. She waited patiently for someone to call 'onigiri', but it never happened.

The end bell found her curled up on her beanbag in the corner, absorbed in the latest book she'd found. A gentle knock on the door didn't disturb her, nor did the rest of the class leaving.

"Kira!" A voice called. Dragging her eyes off the page, she looked up to find her father standing over her. She blinked.

"Home time?" she asked.

"Yes." He glanced at the book she was holding. "Why don't you bring the book with you?"

She smiled.

"Okay."

_**I remember that day. The end of my first school day. My father believed I'd made new friends that day. So did my daddy. They didn't know the other children were scared of me. Scared of my eyes. I didn't tell them. I never have. My teacher made-believed that everything was fine. Everything wasn't. But it wasn't until the end of elementary school to the beginning of junior high that things started getting bad.**_

"Kira!"

She lifted her head and smiled.

"Renji!" she replied. He stopped just short of her, and as she made to move towards him, he moved back.

"Renji?" She questioned. He looked away, cheeks colouring.

"I'm sorry Kira. I… can't be friends with you anymore."

Shock. Hurt. Anger. They all flitted through her eyes to be replaced with the emotionless look that graced them so often.

"Why?"

"I'm sorry Kira." He repeated. He shifted his feet nervously. "I can't get anywhere while I'm friends with you. You're not… Well you're a… You're not exactly…"

"Normal?" She finished for him. "Basically you're trying to say I'm a freak."

His head dropped and he shuffled his feet again.

"Yes." He whispered.

"Fine." Her reply was as emotionless as her eyes, but bordering on cold and stony. Turning on her heel and gathering her book and bag, she strode off, ignoring the calls coming from behind her. The familiar stinging in her eyes made her bite her lip. A familiar voice sang softly in her head.

"_Don't let those shiny tears fall Kira-chan. They lose their shininess."_

God-damn Ryuichi and his childish way of thinking. She may only be eight, but her thoughts were adult enough. Despite herself a small smile graced her lips, which soon faded as her thoughts turned to home. The surge of sorrow and bitterness took her by surprise and a single star fell. The words of her parents remained fresh in her memories.

"_Kindly control your daughter." Her father had stated coldly as she had retorted back to one of his remarks._

"_She's not __**my**__ daughter." Shuichi replied coolly. _

"_She's more yours than mine." Yuki snarled._

The argument had raged on over whose daughter she was. She hadn't stuck around to find out. Her lonely footsteps now pounded in her ears, as her heart pounded in her chest. More stars fell as she thought back over the past few months. The distant remarks, the fact that her presence wasn't noticed, and she was never spoken to unless she did something wrong, or they had another appointment at the clinic coming up. The frustration in her heart burst and her fist connected with the row of lockers beside her, leaving a large dent and several shocked teachers and students. She couldn't stay here. Breaking into a run, she headed for her home from home. The one place she felt safe now.

It was raining. Giant glassy tears falling from the sky. The sky was broken. Her heart was heading that way. Reaching behind her, she found the doorbell once more. She leant her head back and let her eyes close. The falling water pattered across her skin; soothing. She let her thoughts drift, her mind relax.

"Shit, Kira!"

The voice dragged her from her dream. Just like the strong arms dragging her into the house.

"You're soaked!" he exclaimed, touching her sodden school sweater. She shrugged.

"Cool it Ryu-chan. I'm fine."

"One, don't use that name. Two, you'll freeze to death!"

A towel connected with her head, shortly followed by a pair of her jeans and a shirt that seemed to have migrated here.

"Get changed, Kira." He commanded, shoving her gently towards the bathroom."

"Fine…" she muttered, smiling despite herself.

The moment the bathroom door opened, she was greeted with a cup of tea and Ryuichi's concerned face. He guided her onto the sofa and sat himself beside her. Wrapping his arm around her shoulder, he watched her sip the tea in silence.

"Tell me what's been happening Kira."

She didn't look at him.

"Nothing's been happening." Her voice remained level. Ryuichi raised an eyebrow.

"Of course not. That's why you've skipped school to come here, and why you have that look in your eyes, that says the opposite to your mouth. Tell me Kira. I can't promise to make it all better, but I can listen and advise."

"Advice from you? That's a joke." She managed to force a very wobbly smile.

"Then why do you keep coming back?" He smiled when she couldn't' answer. "Now spill." He whispered.

He watched her sleeping, her face for once calm and carefree, her thoughts free of the pain and troubles that she should not yet understand, let alone have experienced. Sighing deeply, he lifted her from her spot, snuggled against his side, and rose, carrying her into the spare bedroom that he was considering calling hers. Setting her down, he stepped back. A single tear clung to her closed lashes.

"Don't let those shiny tears fall, Kira-chan."

Even in sleep, her lips curled into a half-smile.

"Be at peace little one." He whispered, shutting the door on the sleeping figure.


	3. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. Storyline and Kira belong to me.**_

Part Two – A Change of Heart

She watched the camera flashes reflecting off them as they made their way towards the entrance. The TV presenter was trying to get their attention and bring them over. Finally, they gave in to her demands. Tall and calm as always her father, Eiri, looked as though he belonged there. That was his environment. Shuichi on the other hand looked like he'd overdosed on sugar and caffeine. Turning her back on the TV, she tried to concentrate on her work, and not the voices in the air. She shot a glance at Ryuichi, who was watching it with an emotionless expression. She'd long since given up trying to get him to turn the volume down. Sighing, she returned to her maths.

"One last question! There are rumours flying around that you two have a daughter. Is this true?"

Kira's head snapped round, and even Ryuichi sat up a little straighter. On the TV, she had barely finished her question before Shuichi laughed and replied,

"No, it's not. We'd never have been left alone if we tried to adopt a child, and neither of us are female, are we?"

There was a scatter of laughter, as the presenter thanked them and they moved on. Ryuichi glanced across at her. Her eyes were hard.

"Don't let it get to you sweetie. You'd be constantly hounded if they did tell the world about you."

"I don't care about that." She murmured. "It's the fact that he didn't even need to think about it. It's as if I've never existed."

"It's not like that…"

"What kind of parents ignore their child Ryuichi? What kind of parents act as if their child was never born, and never notice when said child moves out and never comes home?" Her voice held all the bitterness and resentment that she held within her. Ryuichi himself felt her sorrow. Rising, he dragged a chair over next to her and sat beside her.

"Listen," he said softly, lifting her chin so she looked at him. "One day, they will notice you. And they will beg for forgiveness for the pain and sorrow they have caused you."

She managed a half-smile.

"I s'pose…" she whispered.

"Don't s'pose." Ryuichi scolded her lightly. "Know. Now, let's get this maths done." Turning the book towards him, he eyed the sums. "On the other hand, let's order a pizza and phone Tohma…"

"What exactly is it you wanted?"

He blinked. He'd only just opened the door. He couldn't answer questions after doing something like that… Tohma sighed as he watched Ryuichi go into overload. He should have remembered not to ask too much of him at one time… Opening the door and answering questions, that was just too much to handle. He waited patiently for him to stop spazzing and asked again.

"What did you want, Ryuichi. You phoned me."

A blink again. Then the memory came back.

"Oh yes! We wanted help with maths!" Excited arm gestures accompanied his sentences. Tohma raised an eyebrow. Ryuichi and maths went together like strawberries and pickle.

"We? Are you talking about Kumagoro?"

Ryuichi's expression sobered.

"You'd better come in."

Frowning now, Tohma stepped past him into the hall, removing his shoes and placing them neatly on the rack. He'd only seen Ryuichi like this onstage. This calm, grown-upness… It was unnerving. It wasn't Ryuichi. He followed him in silence until he stopped before the door to the spare room.

"It's your guest room…" he stated calmly.

"Look inside." Ryuichi replied. Tohma frowned again, twisting the handle and letting the door swing open. Shock flooded through him as he saw the prone figure in the bed. Kira's face supported a deep frown and her hair was strewn across the pillow like a silver halo.

"What's she doing here Ryuichi? Why isn't she at home?"

Ryuichi sighed and walked away, settling down in a nearby chair. Tohma carefully shut the door and followed him.

"Ryuichi?"

"She's having trouble at home, Tohma."

"What kind of trouble?"

Ryuichi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You might want to sit down, it's a long story."

The gentle hum of conversation permeated even the deepest of her dreams. She tried to frown, only to find she was already. Dragging her eyes open, she listened carefully, trying to hear what was being spoken. The patterns on the ceiling jumped out at her while her ears strained for any words. Nothing. Rolling her eyes, she dragged herself from her bed, pulled on her dressing grown and emerged into the outside world. Tohma and Ryuichi immediately turned to look at her, giving her no doubts about the fact that they had been talking about her.

"Uncle Tohma." She said, glancing at the clock. "It only took you a couple of hours to get here."

Tohma looked mildly offended.

"You make me feel old Kira."

"You are."

Ryuichi snorted with laughter, while Tohma didn't look best pleased. Kira ignored them both and flopped down on the sofa beside her uncle. She fought against the arm try to pull her against him for a hug, slapping the owner of the limb.

"There was no need for that."

"Yes there was." She replied grumpily.

"Kira… About home…"

"If you're gonna say 'go back and talk it over with them', forget it. Ryu's been through that one already."

Tohma sighed deeply.

"Kira, what do you know about your father's past?"

She turned her head to look at him, eyes narrowed.

"What has that got to do with anything?"

"Everything. How much do you know?"

"Not very much." She admitted. "I know his parents own a temple, and Tatsuha is a monk there. But I've never met my grandparents."

"That's it?"

She nodded. "Yes. That's everything."

Tohma glanced at Ryuichi before saying,

"Then let me tell you everything."

"I think I understand…" Kira sighed. "But that doesn't explain why he's putting me through the same thing."

"No it doesn't." Tohma admitted. "But maybe it can help you see."

"Yes." Kira said thoughtfully. She rose from her seat and vanished back into her room. They watched her go in silence.

"What do you think she'll do?" Tohma turned to face the silent Ryuichi.

"I don't know." He admitted softly. "She's been here all this time and she's still unreadable."

"Just like Yuki."

"Yes. She's too similar to him for her own good."

Tohma nodded, turning as Kira appeared from her bedroom with her bag. Without a word she placed a kiss on Ryuichi's cheek, then on his own and headed for the door.

"Where are you going? Kira?" Tohma called after her. She paused.

"Home."

"Why?"

"You're the one who wanted me to go home." She grinned at him. Her eyes flicked to Ryuichi as he rose and stretched.

"Scram." He said slowly. "Go on, get out of here. Go home."

Her grin broadened and she vanished into the night. He watched her go, his eyes saddening.

"You liked her company."

Ryuichi glanced at Tohma and offered a lop-sided smile.

"It livened things up. I'll miss her."

"You sound as if she won't come back."

"I'm sure she'll appear every now and again, but she had that look in her eye."

"Which one?"

"Both. The look that said she was determined to make things work out."

"I'm glad."

They shared a look, and both smiled.

"Now, I should also be heading home. Goodbye, Ryu-chan."

"Bye Tohma."

"Don't mope Ryuichi." Upon receiving no answer, he turned to find Ryuichi sitting cross-legged in the middle of the floor, playing with Kumagoro. Rolling his eyes, he headed for the night air.

The apartment block loomed over her, a new terror from old memories. She inhaled deeply, the air, cool with the chill of night, calming her. Her eyes fluttered closed. Home. It was a strange word. A strange word for a strange place. Emerald and gold surveyed the expanse of concrete again. Sighing, she headed for the stairs and the never-ending climb to redemption.

The metal was cool against her warm flesh. Even from the other side of the door she could smell her father's cigarettes. It brought back memories. Memories from long ago. Dragging herself from her musings, the sliver of metal slid home, and admitted her. The smell was the first thing that hit her. It was the smell of home. To others it may have been unpleasant, but to her it was as warm a welcome as she was expecting. She let the door close behind her, leaning against it to gather herself again. Kicking her shoes off, she grabbed her bag and headed through the, so far silent, house. Pausing outside her father's office, the rhythmic tapping gave away the room's occupant. She carried on past, holding her breath and praying she wouldn't make a sound. The sanctity of her room couldn't come soon enough. Everything was exactly as she'd left it. This room was one of the few in the house that was pristinely neat. Actually, it was one of two. Her father's office being the other. She placed her bag carefully on her chair and began the task of unpacking everything she'd taken with her when she'd 'moved in' with Ryuichi. Clothes, books, and school items were all placed neatly away, leaving one thing left in the bottom of the bag. The leather bound tome was carefully lifted from its resting place and placed in the one place she knew was hidden from the world. The one place no one would ever look. Last task done, the bag was neatly stowed away in the base of the wardrobe, for use another day. A single glance around her told her there was no other reason to stay in this room. Heading back down the hall, she paused once more before the door of the office. Ivory rested on shadowy wood. A breath was breathed. A heartbeat passed. A lifetime seemed to come and go. The door opened. Mentally shaking herself, she entered, and stopped in the shadows. The light of the computer screen reflected on her father's glasses, his face was serious as his fingers flitted across the screen, creativity appearing on the screen in tiny black kanji. She moved closer. He looked up.

"Father."

He paused, as if he did not recognise her.

"Kira."

Then those shiny stars fell.


	4. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. Storyline and Kira belong to me.**_

Part Three – It Feels Like Christmas Time

She couldn't remember how she got here. The ceiling above her, her father's lap beneath her head, his comforting presence. She couldn't remember. She remembered the falling stars. That was it. A deep sigh escaped her lungs, and her father's hand rested lightly on her head.

"Kira." The word was gentle, so many thoughts hid in that single vibration of air. She shifted so she could see him. Golden hair framed gold eyes. Eyes that watched hers, concern swirling in the depths. "You've been quiet lately. And now this? Want to tell me what the tears are for?"

"They fall for you."

A frown creased his brow.

"I don't follow you."

"Tohma told me. About New York."

His expression hardened and he looked away.

"That was a long time ago."

"It still haunts you."

He looked at her. She had sat up, and fixed him with an unreadable expression. Her hair tumbled over her shoulders, and hid her green eye. He reached out a hand and pushed her hair from her face.

"You would never know you were twelve by looking at you."

"Thirteen."

"Thirteen."

A silence passed between them. A silence so deep, it reached for the vastness of eternity. The door banging open and excited shouting coming from the entrance hall smashed that silence. Rising smoothly from his seat, Eiri exited the room to find his partner fighting to get his shoes off, while still singing loudly. Remaining where she was, Kira listened quietly.

"Yuki! I've got brilliant news!"

"My father's dead?"

"Don't say that… No, I'm pregnant!"

"Again?"

"I know! Isn't it exciting?!"

"And you only discovered today?"

"Yes! Apparently I'm five months along already!"

"Don't you ever get fat?"

"No! It's brilliant isn't it!"

"What, the pregnancy or your not getting fat?"

"Well both… But mainly the pregnancy!"

"Yes it's wonderful."

"We're going to have a child!"

"_Another_ child."

"Oh. Yes. Another child."

Kira let her head fall onto her knees in defeat.

"I'm still here." She whispered. "All that's left of yesterday…"

It was beginning to get to her. The constant screaming of her little brother and her parents' blatant disregard of her existence. She reached out in the darkness and found the power button on her stereo. Letting the music flood her ears, she lay back and relaxed. Her arm hurt. She caressed the broken skin almost lovingly, the slick liquid oiling her fingers. She raised the digits to her lips and tenderly licked them clean, savouring the metallic taste on her tongue.

"Kira!"

Eyes snapped open and sleeves were pulled down seconds before the door flew open. Her father was a silhouette against the light from the hallway.

"Get out here now. You're babysitting your brother while we go out." He vanished, leaving Kira to punch the power button on her stereo and moodily drag herself into the living room. The closing of the front door signalled the escape of her parents. Sighing, she scooped the screaming baby up.

"Why are stars falling, otouto-baka?" She cooed, cradling the infant gently. Slowly the screaming faded to sobbing, the sobbing to whimpers, and the whimpers to silence. Peace at last.

"Kane." She purred, cuddling her baby brother. He giggled as she pulled a face at him, and she set him down in his cot gently.

"Time to go to sleep little one." She whispered.

The doorbell was the last thing she'd expected. Muting the TV, she glanced at Kane who was still soundly sleeping and moved to open it. Ryuichi's dark eyes peered back at her.

"Kira-chan!" he squealed excitedly.

"No one's around, I've got a splitting headache and Kane's asleep, so shut up."

Ryuichi shrugged.

"Someone might have been here."

Rolling her eyes, Kira opened the door to allow him in. Making her way back into the living room, she discovered that her brother had slept through Ryuichi's arrival.

"Where is everyone?" Ryuichi sat beside her on the sofa.

"Out." She said bitterly. "They couldn't get him to shut up, so they left me here to baby-sit."

"I thought you were going to talk to them?"

"It lasted all of fifteen minutes."

"Oh."

Silence reigned.

"Tea?" She asked eventually.

"No thanks."

"Coffee?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Ok."

"What about you Kira?"

"Hmm?" She glanced at him.

"How are you holding up in all this?"

She shrugged.

"You know. I'm coping."

Ryuichi nodded and patted her arm gently, his arms narrowing as she winced slightly. Seizing hold of her wrist, he peeled her sleeve back. He inhaled deeply as the gashes on her arm came into plain view.

"Kira…"

She pulled her arm from his grip and rolled her sleeve back down.

"It's nothing." She murmured.

"Nothing!? You're carving yourself up and it's nothing!?"

She curled up, pulling her knees to her chest.

"It's nothing…"

"Kira… I only want to help you."

She turned to face him, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Don't think anyone can help me now. I just don't want the same thing to happen to him."

They both glanced at Kane, sleeping peacefully and unaware of the two people beside him.

"It won't."

"But you don't know that…"

He curled his fingers under her chin, turning her head to look at him.

"No. I don't. You do."

She raised her eyes once more. His were gentle, and full of emotions. Sadness, anger and frustration all swam in those dark depths. She managed a weak smile.

"Yes." She whispered. "It'll all be fine."

"It will be. Want a hug?"

"Love one…"

Burying herself in his arms, she inhaled the scent that was Ryuichi. She could feel her eyes closing. She was glad he was here.


	5. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. Storyline and Kira belong to me.**_

Part Four – Time To Face The Music

The little white figures on the board seemed to swim before her eyes as she drifted off again. At the front of the class, the lecture on mathematical equations continued, but she was not part of it. Her thoughts drifted to her little brother. Her lips twitched into something that could resemble a smile, then relaxed again. Those bright green eyes, which were so enchanting, danced through her mind's eye. The scraping of chairs made her snap out of her thoughts. The class was moving. Wondering why, when the lesson had only just begun, she followed.

"Now, as we're studying groups of data, what better to study then the weights of your classmates and yourself."

_Shit._ The word flitted through her head.

"I want you to remove your jumpers and shoes, and one by one come and stand on the scales where your weight will be recorded."

All around her students peeled off their jumpers and kicked off their shoes. Gingerly, she removed her shoes and placed them safely to one side, then toyed with the edge of her jumper, refusing to remove it as of yet. One by one, each student made their way to the scales and recorded their weight, to jeers or excited murmurs from the rest of the class.

"Kira. You next. Take your jumper off and stand on the scales."

Pretending she hadn't heard, she moved towards the scales.

"Your jumper, Kira."

Gritting her teeth she yanked it off over her head, and tried not to hear the shocked gasps as her arms came into view. Slowly, she stepped onto the scales and watched the little numbers whizzing around. Idly, she wondered how much weight she'd lost since she'd stopped eating.

"Five stone, eight pounds…"

Quiet whispers pounded her ears as she reclaimed her jumper and her shoes.

_That's three stone I've lost._ She sighed and pulled her jumper back on.

"Kira, I think we need to talk."

She eyed her sensei blankly.

"About what?"

"Your arms, Kira."

"What about them?"

"You know what about."

"I don't until you tell me."

"Do you self-harm, Kira?"

"What if I do?"

"Then we really need to talk."

"No. We don't."

"Is anything happening at home? Your parents arguing? Moving house?"

"My home life is nothing to do with you."

"It is if it reduces you to this."

"Then it's not my home life you should be looking at."

He looked confused and she just shrugged and headed for the door.

"Where do you think you're going? The bell hasn't gone yet."

"I know." She said quietly, carrying on walking.

The world hated her. She'd decided. She could hear the whispers of the students she passed.

"Self-harmer…"

"Freak…"

"Anorexic…"

Keeping her eyes down, she continued on until a pair of shoes appeared in her line of vision. Halting, her eyes travelled upwards to light upon the face of the one she once called her friend. Now, he sneered at her, his friends leaning against the lockers to the side.

"Kira."

"Renji." She kept her voice level and calm.

"There's rumours going round that you're depressed and you self-harm."

"Are there now."

"Is it true, Kira? Did my leaving you alone hurt you that much?"

"You don't know the half of it." She moved to walk around him.

"So it's true? I did hurt you. Or is it that your gay parents have decided it was a mistake to adopt you?"

Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Be careful what you say, Renji-kun." She purred at him. He laughed.

"Or what? Your gay daddy will come and beat me up. Oh no!"

His words roused a chorus of laughter from the nearby watchers. That was when her fist connected with his face. The laughter stopped immediately as he was sent reeling backwards. He clutched his bleeding nose in shock, backing away from her as she approached. There was a dark glitter in her eyes.

"I warned you. I warned you and you didn't listen."

"Kira… please…"

His pleadings fell on deaf ears as she cornered him. The crowds were silent now.

"This never happened." She pulled a tissue from a pocket, and extended it. Her glare swept over the people gathered round. Everyone shivered. "It never happened."

"What's going on here?" The teacher pushed through the crowd of students.

"Nothing." Kira replied, wiping some blood off of Renji's face. "Just an accident with a locker door."

He swallowed hard. He had a feeling he would have an accident with a locker door if he ever said anything like that again.

"Ryuichi…"

He dragged an eye open and fixed it on the girl lying on her back in the centre of the room.

"Hmm?" he responded, letting his eye close.

"Have you ever felt like you were going to kill someone before?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering…"

"Once. A long time ago."

"Hmm."

"Why? Something happen at school?"

"No."

"Liar."

She sighed.

"I don't know why I bother trying…"

"Nor do I."

Silence resumed for a long time.

"So what happened?"

"I hit someone. A boy I used to be friends with when I was little."

"And?"

"And, I just wanted to kill him. I wanted to see his broken body and feel the warmth of his spilt blood."

Ryuichi propped himself up on one elbow, his nap forgotten. Kira was staring at the ceiling, her eyes misted over, lost in her thoughts.

"Kira, have you thought about going back to your psychiatrist?"

She sighed and rolled onto her side.

"What's the point? They just keep telling me I'm depressed and mentally unstable…"

Ryuichi sighed himself, and admitted defeat.

"Do you want a lift home?"

Glancing at the clock, Kira wrinkled her nose.

"I suppose I had better be going…"

Ryuichi dragged himself to his feet and grabbed his keys.

"Come on. We'll take the scenic route."

The cold moon frowned down on her as she sat before the cold pane of glass.

"You hold no comfort for me tonight." She murmured to the shape on his throne so high. No reply came, and the stars glittered coldly at her. Slowly, oh so slowly, the moon descended from his throne on high, predicting the rising of the sun. Patiently, oh so patiently, she waited for the first ray of the morning light to split the darkness and bring the new day. Sleep had evaded her this night, and so she waited.

"Kira!"

She glanced down at the little boy, careful not to drop her breakfast on him.

"What do you want, otouto?"

"Father gone out."

She sighed deeply.

"I'm supposed to be going to school." One look at those huge eyes told her she'd be doing no such thing. Setting her breakfast down on the table, she picked the two-year old up.

"Have you had breakfast yet Kane?"

"No."

"Hmm." She set him down again and moved back into the kitchen, digging his bowl out of a cupboard and searching for the cereals in another.

"Aneki?" Kane said, almost thoughtfully.

"Yes?"

"Why do daddy and father no talk to you?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

She spared him another look. He was watching her, green eyes serious. She reached down and smoothed his hair off his face.

"Don't you worry about it."

He wrapped his arms round her legs.

"I no worry."

She smiled.

"No, you don't."

"Aneki! Come play!"

She smiled at him and let him drag her into the living room. His building blocks were scattered across the floor in various heaps.

"Build castle!"

"A castle, huh?"

"Yes. Castle."

"Okay…" She settled herself cross-legged in the centre of the floor and brought the bricks to her. Selecting the correct sized brick, she set about laying the foundations for the castle. It was around the time that she was halfway up the walls that she felt the tugging on her sleeve. Half turning, she found her otouto with his blanket and his thumb in his mouth. She moved her arms, and he settled down on her lap, content to hand her bricks. She wrapped an arm around him and rested her chin gently on his head. She sighed deeply.

"My otouto…" she whispered gently.


	6. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. Storyline and Kira belong to me.**_

Part Five – An Uphill Struggle

The drab, concrete-clad building rose before him, lifeless and cold in the winter city. Adjusting his cap and sunglasses, he approached. The receptionist raised her head as he drew nearer.

"Is Uesugi Kira in school today?"

"One moment." She vanished through a door, and he could hear a quiet conversation. Finally, she reappeared.

"No, she never turned up for homeroom and she hasn't been in the rest of the day."

"Thank you." He turned and headed for the exit.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" she called after him.

"No." Ryuichi replied. "You don't." Exiting into the cold, he didn't look back, digging his cell phone from his pocket.

"K-kun? I need a favour."

The irritating chiming of the bell pierced her deepest dreams. Rolling over, she fought to ignore it and remain asleep. However, it seemed the more she tried to ignore it, the more awake she became. She eventually admitted defeat, and sat up. The first thing to meet her eyes was the castle hogging most of the floor space. The second thing was Kane curled up inside it. Smiling, she headed for the door. Long, blonde hair in a ponytail and dark glasses awaited her as she pulled the door open.

"Big news!"

"Hello K." She sighed.

"Kira, I've been sent to keep an eye on your brother while you go to school!"

"That's very nice of you, but there's no point. There's only two hours left of school." She turned away, and went to go back inside, but there was a click from behind her and something decidedly solid and metallic pressed against the back of her head. She could feel her eye twitch slightly.

"On second thoughts, those two hours could be the most important ones of my life…"

"Good choice."

"I'll go get my stuff…"

"Kira?" The voice was nervous, and she around to find Renji, with a rather bruised and swollen looking nose, standing beside her.

"What do you want?"

"I… wanted to apologise for yesterday. I shouldn't have said those things."

She shrugged and continued walking through the crowds.

"It's fine."

"No. It's not. Kira, wait." He reached out and seized hold of her arm, his firm grip making her hiss. He loosened it instantly, but didn't let go. "Kira, listen to me. I want to apologise for everything. For walking away, leaving you alone, for saying all those things… I can understand if you turn it down, but I want to make it up to you."

She turned on him.

"So after four years of teasing, bullying and generally ignoring my existence, you decide you can walk back into my life?!"

Renji let his head fall slightly.

"I know. I'm sorry. It's all I can say…"

The gentle touch to his cheek caught him by surprise. His eyes met hers, and they were soft and gentle.

"I could always forgive you."

"Really?"

"Really."

He grinned goofily.

"Thank you."

She shrugged and turned to walk off.

"Kira…"

She half-turned once more.

"I have a gift for you… To say sorry?"

She frowned.

"Why?"

"It's your birthday tomorrow, isn't it?"

Kira blinked. December 21st. So it was.

"Yes… I'd forgotten." _Forgotten what it means to have a birthday._ Her mind whispered. He extended a hand to her.

"Please, come with me? I have a gift for you."

She watched him thoughtfully. Wondering when this was going to turn into a huge joke, she took his hand. He simply smiled at her and led her out of the school gates to his waiting motorbike.

The warm figure before her made a sharp contrast to the chill wind rushing past her. She shivered violently, but resisted the urge to snuggle up against Renji's back. Feeling her shiver, he turned his head an inch and called,

"We're almost there. Not far now."

She nodded, not bothering to reply, wondering where 'there' was.

It was the smell that hit her nose first. The smell of warm animal, the smell of sweet hay, and then the gentle sound of breathing and content munching. Renji had loosely bound her eyes with a scarf, and she hung onto his arm, not quite trusting her feet.

"Can I take it off yet?"

Warm air brushed her bare cheek.

"Yes." Fingers gentle tugged the material from her eyes, and her jaw dropped. They stood in a loose box, with a beautiful, jet-black horse.

"Wow…" She whispered.

"You like him?"

She moved forwards to run her fingers down his silky neck.

"He's gorgeous…"

"He's yours."

"Ok." She blinked, his words actually sinking in. "What?"

"He's your gift. He was a bit big to gift wrap." Renji moved to stand beside her and patted him. "He's the twin to my horse."

"Satan?"

Renji nodded.

"Yes, this is Angel."

Kira smiled.

"Satan's silver, and Angel's black."

"Yes." Renji sounded amused himself. "I knew you've always wanted a horse, and I thought, well, Angel needs someone who can care for him full-time. I love him, but unfortunately Satan's my priority."

"Renji… I'd love to look after him, but I wouldn't be able to pay for him."

"You wouldn't have to."

Her eyes met his, confusion danced within them.

"My family have agreed to keep him here and pall all his costs, if you'll agree to ride, train and generally just make him yours." He touched her arm gently. "Kira?"

"I don't know what to say, Renji…"

"Say yes?"

"But… It's unfair. Your family will get nothing out of it. I'll get everything. A horse, rides, everything."

"It's not. We didn't want to sell him, which is what would have happened. He's pretty much a part of the family. By giving him to you, as it is, he can stay here with Satan. Please say yes?"

She smiled.

"Alright then."

The bleeping of her cell from beside her bed sliced straight through her head. Groaning, she reached and pressed buttons until the goddamned noise stopped. It was too early on a Saturday morning for noise. Sighing and dragging the covers back over her head, she settled back down. She almost screamed in despair as her alarm clock decided to start screeching at her. She reached out to shut the damned thing off and discovered it was not beside her bed. Braving the 'cold', she stuck her head out from beneath the covers and looked around for it. She glared at it as she discovered it sat across the other side of the room. Sulking mightily, she dragged herself from her bed to shut the annoying bleeping off before her father came in to yell at her for waking him up. He'd been more tetchy than usual lately. He obviously had a deadline coming up. Shutting the clock off, she discovered the note she'd left beside it.

_Go sort Angel out. Ryuichi coming at 9am._ Oh yes, she'd forgotten about that. Which meant that today was her birthday. Pushing the thought of suicide from her mind, she headed for the shower, and the start of a new day.

The mail slot clicked as the post dropped through it. Leaving her toast for the moment, she went to collect it. Sorting through it, she placed the bills and other envelopes addressed to her parents on the side, and took the few envelopes addressed to her back to where her breakfast waited. Smiling, she read the birthday cards from her grandparents. She stood them up to the side and smiled again. It was nice to know someone cared. The ringing of the doorbell distracted her, taking her toast with her, she pulled it open to reveal Ryuichi.

"Happy birthday hunny." He offered her a large box. Raising an eyebrow, she held her toast in her mouth and took the box. Tilting her head as best she could to tell Ryuichi to come in, she headed for the living room, and deposited the box on the floor.

"I see you're eating again." Ryuichi pointed out dryly as he watched her cram the toast into her mouth. She shrugged.

"I like eating too much." She managed to say around her mouth full.

"Hmm. Are you going to open it?" He nodded towards the box.

"Oh yeah." She tugged the ribbons carefully, prising the lid off. "Woah…" She murmured. She lifted the contents out of the box carefully. Jodhpurs, polo shirts, and two pairs of boots sat neatly in the space.

"I found out about Angel."

Kira turned to face him.

"Who told you?"

"I have my ways of finding things out." Ryuichi examined his nails.

"You've had K following me, haven't you?"

"Would I do such a thing?" He looked completely innocent.

"Yes."

He shrugged.

"You're right, I would. Go change, that's if you want a lift."

"I'm gone."

"So where is it?"

"Just along here."

"Say when."

"It's there."

"Damn…"

Kira sighed as the entrance to the yard flashed past.

"Turn around and go back."

"I'm on it."

Second time around, they managed to pull into the stable yard without much trouble.

"See you later. Thanks for the lift."

"Call me when you want picking up. But I may not be able to collect you. It might end up being Tohma or K."

Kira shrugged.

"I'm not entirely fussed, as long as you don't abandon me here."

"Would I?"

"Yes."

"Ha! Wrong! I wouldn't ever do that."

Kira shrugged.

"Whatever. See ya."

"Have fun. Don't do anything stupid."

"When have I ever?"

She stepped back and watched him drive off, before heading round to Angel's stable. She raised an eyebrow as she discovered Renji leaning against the door.

"You took your time."

"I have issues with mornings."

"As in, you're lazy and can't get up on time?"

"No, as in I just severely dislike mornings."

Renji considered it.

"Fair enough. Happy birthday."

"Thanks."

"Angel's out in the field, so first chore of the day is…!"

"Mucking out." Kira filled in.

"Exactly. Tools are over there. Bet I can beat you."

Kira snorted.

"Bet you can't."

"1000 yen?"

"Deal."

"Go!"

Kira sat on the box outside Angel's stable watching Renji appear from returning his tools.

"You owe me 1000 yen." She said smugly. He sighed.

"I still can't work out how you beat me…"

"Because I'm a genius and brilliant in every way."

"Of course…" He replied, walking away. "You coming to get Angel?"

"Of course."

The months fled swiftly by as her friendship with Renji bloomed and flourished once more. School was no more a torture, and old wounds had begun to heal.

"I still can't believe it." She announced absently to the world at large, as she and Renji groomed the two horses.

"Can't believe what?" He glanced across at her as she stroked Angel's muzzle gently.

"This. That we're friends again, Angel, everything."

"Well it's true, and you better start believing it. I can't believe that you've stopped covering your arms."

"There's nothing to hide there anymore."

It was true. The gashes had healed, and in their place lay smooth, silver scars. Smiling to himself, Renji untied Satan and led him back towards his box. Angel whinnied in protest of being left behind, and Kira complied with his demands, leading him after his brother. She let him loose in his box, and stood leaning against his shoulder for a while. He whickered gently, nudging her. Smiling, she felt his warm breath caress her bare skin.

"Kira? You coming?"

"Yeah, coming." She called back, placing a quick kiss on Angel's nose before shutting him in for the night. The horse seemed to watch her in amusement as she ran across the yard after Renji.

"So, I'll pick you up at about 8?"

"Yes. I'll see you then."

"See you later."

"Bye."

He watched her vanish into the apartment complex, before turning and heading back to his bike. Settling astride it, he looked back up at the concrete building.

"An eternity shall pass until that hour." He whispered.

She eyed herself in the mirror critically. Her silver hair fell dead straight as always, a sharp contrast to her dark make-up and clothes. Her leather corset hugged her, sliding down her torso and melting into the velvet skirt that clad her legs. Her boots raised her up from her modest 5'5", to an impressive 5'8".

"It'll have to do…" She muttered, grabbing her coat from the end of her bed and heading out into the main rooms. Neither of her parents spared her a glance as she walked past, and Kane was asleep in bed. Letting herself out of the apartment, she headed for the stairs.

"Woah…" Renji's jaw dropped as she appeared from the stair well. She cursed mentally as she felt her cheeks burn up and prayed that he couldn't see it. Luckily, he seemed too preoccupied with her outfit. "It's so cute."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Cute?" She said dryly. He grinned at her.

"Well, as cute as you can be wearing a corset."

She shrugged, pushing the comment away.

"Shall we?" He asked, offering her a crash helmet. She took it from him and followed him towards his bike.

"We shall."

Explosions of colour lit up the night sky above them. The chill of the night air played across what little skin she had exposed to the elements. Shivering slightly, she pressed closer to the warm figure lying beside her, feeling the arm around her hug her tighter.

"Cold?" he whispered.

"A little." She replied.

"I can warm you up."

"No, I'm ok now."

"I'd rather make you warmer."

"I'm fine."

"You're shivering."

"Not any more."

His arm tightened around her even more, pinning her against him.

"Sure?" he asked. She fought against the vice like grip and pulled away, rising and walking away a little, needing the space between them.

"Positive."

Behind her, he rose also.

"You're running away Kira."

"My legs have gone to sleep." She replied, her voice remaining level, despite the turmoil that raged inside. She heard him move towards her and fought to keep herself in the same spot.

"Then why do you flinch when I approach? You fear me?"

"I fear many people."

"What have I ever done to make you fear me? I just suggest an idea and you run away."

Ignoring his first question, she replied,

"An idea I am not willing to accept."

"Am I disagreeable?"

She turned to face him, raising her chin and fighting to keep eye contact with him.

"No, you're not. But I am not someone who will throw myself into something like that with someone who I am wary of still."

"Wary? We have known each other since elementary!"

"Renji, we haven't spoken for eight of those years. And funnily enough, for those eight years you tormented and bullied me."

"We've put those years behind us."

"You may have, but for me things linger on. I don't forget easily, Renji. It takes a long time for the pain to fade entirely."

"So you're refusing?"

"Of course I'm refusing! We're not even dating!"

"Would it make any difference if we were?"

"No."

"There you go then."

"Renji, I'm saying no, and that's final."

"Very well. You can forget about us being friends then."

"Oh, that's mature Renji. Walking away, cause I won't sleep with you?"

"I have no use with a friendship with you for anything else."

She remained frozen to the spot as he turned and vanished into the dark. She waited until she could hear the engine of his bike growing distant before she let the stars fall and her thoughts take over.

_We knew something would happen eventually._ Her mind whispered.

_I know. _She replied. _But it still hurts._

_Hush. _Came the reply. _There is one that still cares._

_Yes. There is one._

_Time to go home?_

_Yes._

Turning her back on the starlit place, she walked away. Away from Renji, and any hope of regaining lost friendships. The moon soared above her, quiet and sorrowful as he watched her.

_May this last an eternity. _She thought as the peace of the open country surrounded her. _It's a long walk home._


	7. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. Storyline and Kira belong to me.**_

Part Six – To Live A Sin

The apartment was dark and cold when she entered. Pulling off her boots in the entrance, she padded barefoot through the hall to her room. There was no noise from her parents' bedroom or from her father's office, suggesting that they were either out or asleep. Closing the door behind her, she dumped her boots under her desk and flopped onto her bed. Shrugging off her coat as best as possible, she wriggled under the covers and allowed sleep to carry her away on feathered wings.

A solid weight landed on her stomach and brought her back to the world of the living with a jolt.

"Aneki!!"

Groaning, she tried to shove the deadweight off of her, but it clung on.

"Kane! Get OFF!"

The weight vanished instantly, and she peeled back her covers to glare at her little brother. Huge emerald eyes stared back at her.

"What do you want at…" she checked her clock. "8 o'clock on a Sunday morning?"

Before he'd even opened his mouth, she knew what his answer would be.

"Daddy and father gone out."

Sighing, she dragged herself from bed and winced as her corset restrained her breathing.

"Out." She sighed. "I need to get washed."

"Play?"

"When I'm dressed."

"Okay."

She watched in amusement as he vanished through the door. Heading for the bathroom, she grabbed some fresh clothes on the way.

"A long, hot shower, here I come."

Unfortunately for Kira, her shower was cut short by Kane knocking on the door and announcing that someone was at the door. Cursing quietly, she dried herself and dressed before going to answer the door, with Kane watching her from the living room doorway. Pulling open the front door, she found a pair of sunglasses and a ridiculous hat before her.

"Uncle Tohma." She said dryly. "Come in."

"Uncle!" A scream of joy came from behind her and a blur collided with Tohma.

"Hello Kane." He looked back to Kira. "Are your parents in?"

Her darkened expression gave him all the answer he needed.

"I'll take that as a no. It just so happens that Ryuichi and I are going to a theme park he's been bugging me to take him to for months, and we wondered if the two of you would like to accompany us?"

"Yes! Yes!" Kane screamed, bouncing up and down.

"I think he's already decided." Kira sighed. "I'll get our stuff."

"Kira, we need to talk."

"I know."

They strolled through the crowds, following Ryuichi and Kane from a distance.

"K told us about what happened last night."

"He's still following me?"

"We're worried about you."

"So he told you about Renji?"

"Yes."

"Everything?"

"Everything."

She sighed, pushing her hair out of her face.

"Kira, are you OK with it?"

"No."

"Well at least you're being honest."

"But I can live with it."

"Kira…"

"Honestly, I knew it would happen eventually. It wasn't a huge surprise." She watched Ryuichi and Kane stop to examine a stall full of stuffed animals.

"How are things at home as well?"

"The same as they've always been. At least that hasn't changed for the worse."

"It could be better though."

"It could be. Not that I can do anything about it."

"We can."

"You want to step in?"

"Kira, if you're not happy, something's got to be done."

"It may make it worse. At least now I know that they don't love me."

They walked on in silence.

"Ryuichi loves you still." Tohma said eventually.

"As a father would a daughter." She relied.

"I wish it were like that." Tohma said sadly. Kira frowned.

"What do you mean by that? Uncle?"

"I think I'd better stop them from buying any more toys…" He said absently, leaving her side and heading towards the others. Still puzzling over what he'd said, she followed.

"Ryuichi…" she said slowly. The darkness surrounded them and she was glad that he couldn't see her expressions.

"Yes, Kira?" He replied, in a somewhat tired manner.

"Why do you put up with me?"

Silence met her remark.

"I don't 'put up' with you, as you said. I let you stay here because I enjoy your company."

"Oh." She replied.

"Don't tell me you're doubting me too."

"No. Just wondering."

His arms found her in the dark and pulled her to lie in the circle that his chest and arms formed. She sighed softly and leant against him, inhaling the unique smell of him.

"Tell me?" He asked gently, hugging her close. She let her eyes close, relaxing.

"I was just wondering. Most people cast me away when I become of no use to them."

"Would I ever do that?" His voice was serious.

"I hope not." Her voice faded away into the dark. Beneath her, the solid floor pressed into her and she shifted to become comfortable once more. She could hear the gentle murmurs coming from behind the wall and knew Kane was sleeping peacefully for once. In the other bedroom, she knew, slept her Uncle. Sighing once more, she pressed her cheek against Ryuichi's chest and tried to let sleep come to her. The deep rumbling and vibrations from beneath her ear made her lift her head up.

"What?" She asked of the chuckling figure.

"Nothing." Ryuichi replied. "I'm just remembering Tohma's face when Kane threw up on him."

"That was your fault." She replied, tiredness beginning to edge into her voice. "You fed him too many sweets."

Her pillow snorted, but didn't argue, and sleep was quick to sweep them both away.

"Ryu-chan?" Her voice was quiet, thoughtful with a hint of sorrow lacing it.

"Yes, Kira?"

"Do you think daddy will ever love me? I know father sees me sometimes. But when he does, he seems so… sad. Am I really such a curse to my family?"

He rolled onto his side to face her. The early morning light played across her features. Her pale skin and silver hair, her eyes that had brought her so much pain and ridicule through the years.

"I'm sure he'll love you in the end. And you're not a curse to them; they don't deserve you. Kira, you're too good for them."

"You're just saying that." She turned away from him to watch the light of the rising sun filter through the room.

"No. I'm not. Kira…" he sighed. He watched as she rose and moved to sit on the windowsill, watching the world waking. Abandoning his makeshift bed, he stood beside her. "We can alert them to your pain, Kira. Make them weep for you and the suffering they've inflicted upon you."

She looked up at him. He was watching the sun's rays play across the sky, his face serious, his eyes hard. He turned his head and his eyes locked with hers. Fire lanced through her, but not in an unpleasant way. Protectiveness, anger and sorrow swam in the endless deep of those orbs. She looked away first, her pale cheeks colouring. Ryuichi watched her for a second longer, before returning his gaze to the world beyond the pane.

"But seriously Kira. We can make them suffer for your years of pain."

"Isn't that a bit like sinking to their level?"

Both turned to find Tohma leaning in the doorway.

"What do you suggest then?" Kira asked, moving to settle into a chair.

"Something with a bit more finesse." Tohma replied, pulling out his cell.


	8. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. Storyline and Kira belong to me.**_

Part Seven – Believe Your Heart

So there. That's how I came to be here. My arms sting. I cannot remember when I started this again, or what exactly caused it. All I know is that I bleed and I'm alive. The apartment is in silence. Ryuichi and Tohma, I know, are sitting in the main room, waiting. K has come and taken Kane home. And by now, the letter will have been delivered, and people will have started gathering. The gentle whisper of hinges makes me turn. Ryuichi stands in the doorway.

"It is time." Is all he says. Nodding, I rise and follow him from the apartment. Street lights flash past as the engine roars and we head for our destination.

"Kira."

We're here. Solid concrete is beneath my feet as I am led into the darkness. The park. How ingenious. I can hear the fountain now. That is where it will all happen. I can see it now. The water is silver in the moonlight. I take my place beside it and watch as Ryuichi and Tohma vanish into the dark, Ryuichi with a lingering look back. I cannot hear anyone around me, the only sounds being the fountain at my back, and the lonely breeze playing through the trees. Time passes so slowly, but listen. I can hear footsteps. Quiet voices; panicked whispers. I can see them now. One so tall and slender, the other released from his usual childish displays. The words are swimming in my brain.

"Kira!" His voice reaches my ears, but I raise my hand to stop him.

"I hurt." My voice sounds shaky to my ears. "My heart weeps." I can feel my stomach flutter. "My soul mourns." My limbs are trembling.

"Kira…"

Again, I raise my hand. I continue.

"It is fifteen years, ten months, two weeks and four days exactly since I was born. Since then, I've only celebrated seven birthdays with you. To begin with, I thought it normal. Until, that is, I overheard conversations about people celebrating their upcoming birthdays. I spoke with someone. They told me it wasn't right. A child of my age should not be experiencing the things I spoke to them of. The cause, we both knew, lay at home, too obsessed with themselves to notice that they still had a daughter. Too wrapped up in their images to admit to having a daughter. Seven years have passed since I was diagnosed as being clinically depressed. Now, as a fifteen year old, almost sixteen, I stand before you. I call you to witness the pain you have caused me." I am fighting to keep my hands steady as I ease the sleeves of my jumper up over my forearms. I can feel the cuts begin oozing my life's essence as I disturb them. I hear the shocked intake of breath from the pair opposite me. An eternity seems to be passing…

"Who is the one you've been confiding in?" The voice pierces the darkness. "And why does he think he knows so much about us?"

"I know a lot about you."

I turn as Ryuichi appears from the shadows. He stands beside me, and I'm glad for his warmth. It's a cold night.

"We all know about Kira's troubles. And we all hold it against you."

"We?" It's father's turn to speak. "Who is this 'we' you speak of?"

More figures appear from the night. My grandparents, aunts and uncles, and all my parent's close friends and colleagues. Shock courses through me as people from my class at school emerge as well.

"This, is the 'we' I speak of."

My mind is numb, I feel like jelly. Do I really have so many allies? My parents look so alone. But Ryuichi is speaking again.

"There is no justification for excluding her from her family. She is a child. She not meant to know of pain and sorrow. She's not meant to know of the word 'depressed', let alone be described as it."

"You have ruined her childhood!"

A voice says, then another,

"It's thanks to you our grand-daughter is a self-harmer."

"And you call yourself parents."

Outraged voices echo around me. A silver star is sliding down my daddy's cheek. My stomach turns and my heart flutters like a caged bird. The ground is still solid beneath my feet as I step forwards. Voices quieten. I am watching from the sidelines as my hand raises and brushes the tear away.

"I thought I'd never be able to forgive you." I glance at my father. "But I understand now. I never blamed you. I believed I was the cause of everything. My eyes, the fact that I was so bad that my father and daddy didn't love me anymore. I used to watch you playing with Kane and wish that you still loved me like you love him. I fear for him, and wonder whether or not he'll be put through the same torture and punishment that I have. Punishment for crimes never committed." My eyes lock with my father's, and I direct my words at him. "I woke up everyday wondering if you'd notice me that day. I remember a time when I'd tell you how well I'd done at school, but I used to get told how someone else had already done it, and done it better." My words finished, I turn away and head back to Ryuichi.

"Kira."

His voice stops me. I can't look. I won't look.

"Kira, please. We never meant to do this to you. I know we can't turn the years back or repair the damage that has been done, but can't we try? Can we not try to learn from the past, and move on?"

"You can't build a house on broken foundations." Ryuichi spits. He's closer now. I take another step forwards and hug him.

"Thank you," I whisper, so only he can hear. "For everything."

His eyes sadden as he realises what I intend to do. He inclines his head slightly and I pull away. I turn to face the moonlit couple.

"I can't forget everything that's happened, and I severely doubt everything will go smoothly, but I am willing to try, with some help," I glance around. "That is, if you are willing to try?" The panic is trying to suffocate me. Why aren't they answering? Darkness greets me and the pressure increases, yet I'm enveloped in warmth and a scent I remember from a long forgotten dream.

"Daddy." I whisper.

"Of course we're willing." He replies.

"With help, and no doubt lots of people 'dropping by' to see how we're getting on." Father adds dryly, still eyeing Ryuichi warily.

"Naturally." Tohma responds. "We're not about to let it happen again."

Safe in my daddy's arms, I let my tiredness wash over me.

"Can we stop arguing about it and go home?"

A bubble of laughter ripples around, and around me people begin their farewells. I catch Ryuichi's eye and we share a grin. I have a feeling that everything will work out just fine.


	9. Epilogue

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation, or any of its characters. Storyline and Kira belong to me.**_

Epilogue

_Two years, two months later._

"Alright, just breathe." She muttered to herself, smoothing her skirt down. "It's a party, no big deal, just a party. You're a normal eighteen year old, going to a party. Just because _he's_ there doesn't make the slightest bit of difference, it's a party."

"Kira! Hurry up we're leaving!" Shuichi banged on the bathroom door for what he swore was the fifth time. "Who do you reckon she's trying to impress?" He added to Yuki, flopping down on a seat.

"Who knows." He replied thoughtfully. The lock sliding back on the bathroom door drew their attention and they rose to see what she'd eventually decided to wear.

"I'm not going." Kira strode swiftly out of the bathroom, heading for her bedroom, her skirt swishing around her legs. Yuki sighed.

"Here we go again." He muttered. Shuichi grinned briefly at him and headed after her.

"Kira, what's the matter?"

"I look awful!" She moaned, turning to face him. Smiling, Shuichi pulled her into his arms and kissed her cheek gently.

"You look beautiful." He said softly.

"You're just saying that." She let her head rest on his shoulder.

"No, I'm not. Now go get your boots, let's go." He shooed her away. "Kane!" He called. "We're going."

The five-year old appeared from nowhere and Yuki scooped him up, tickling him mercilessly. Shuichi smiled, and turned back to Kira, ushering her towards the door.

"Let's go!" He called, "We're going to be late."

"Again." Kira and Yuki said in unison, sharing a smile with each other. Chuckling, they headed for the car.

Her stomach turned as the lift climbed higher. She inhaled deeply, fighting to remain calm. Glancing at her parents, Shuichi looked excited and Yuki looked bored already. Allowing herself a small smile, she swallowed hard as the lift doors pinged and slid open. The noise of the party hit them and they could easily hear Ryuichi's voice above it all.

"Don't get drunk." Her Father murmured, stepping past her into the room.

"I won't if you won't." She grinned at his expression and watched him follow Kane into the crowd.

"Kira-chan!!" The voice was unbelievable high and loud, and she braced herself, waiting for impact. The solid weight landed on her, sending her flying back into the lift she'd just stepped out of. The doors slid closed and they descended.

"Thank you for that Ryuichi." She said grumpily, dragging herself to her feet and straightening her skirt once more.

"You're welcome." He grinned at her. "I had to greet you like I greeted everyone else."

"Bet you didn't send everyone else flying back into the lift."

"True."

Silence reigned as they waited for the lift to stop. Her heart fluttered again as he took her hand, gently this time, and guided her from the lift. They were on the ground floor now.

"Where are we going?" She received no answer. "Ryuichi?"

"Wait and see." He led her through a set of doors into the gardens of the building. She followed him down a paved path, bordered with neat beds of summer flowers. The warm breeze whispered around her, and the scents of summer made her relax. As they walked, in silence, the moon smiled down upon them, and their surroundings grew gradually wilder. Ryuichi finally stopped in one of the farthest corners of the gardens. Rose bushes on all sides surrounded them. Every colour, shape and size of rose she could imagine dotted the tangle of green.

"I found this place by accident one day." Ryuichi turned to face her and smiled.

"It's beautiful." Kira's gaze swept the rose garden. It over-grown and wild, but it made it all the more beautiful. Silence passed between them once more, as they stood in that peaceful place. She shifted slightly, and skin brushed against skin. Flushing slightly, she moved her hand away from his, but he caught hold of it. Her eyes met his as he raised her hand to his lips. His lips were soft against her skin as he kissed her palm. Her cheeks flushed and she looked away once more. Cool fingers brushed her cheek, sliding under her chin and turning her head to look at him. Eyes connected, fire lanced through her. She'd felt it before. Her thoughts drifted to the night at his apartment, the night before they'd confronted her parents.

"Kira." He breathed, drawing her from her thoughts. Fingers caressed her cheek, her jaw, down the velvet of her throat, and lips descended upon hers. Surprise flitted through her, before she gave in to the tender passion he tempted her with.

"All's well that end's well." Tohma murmured quietly from his vantage point behind a rose bush. Beside him, Yuki nodded silently, turning and walking away, seizing Tohma's sleeve and dragging him with him. Sighing, Tohma understood, respecting the couple's privacy and leaving.

"You're such a spoil sport Yuki."

The blonde male turned his head slightly.

"On the contrary. Now, when they finally turn up, everyone can miraculously know about the two of them."

"I like you're thinking." Tohma smiled, heading for the party and the inescapable embarrassment Ryuichi and Kira would face.

"I love nights like these." He murmured to the moon. The silver orb never answered, he remained silent in the night sky, smiling down on the lovers surrounded by the entwined roses. For once, the night was peaceful, and the world was content.


End file.
